I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
