It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
