Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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