my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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