I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
