well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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