All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
