Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
