So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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