just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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