IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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