when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
