when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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