Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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