I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Two words: blizzard sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
