Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
