This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
