So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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