So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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