Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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