You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
