Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
