I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
babies were throwing up all over the place
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
