K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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