Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
