We're facebook friends in real life
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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