I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
