Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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