hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
accomplished twins. life is a go
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
