This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
