cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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