I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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