Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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