I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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