i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
