I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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