You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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