Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
