i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
