I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How's work?
Spinning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
