chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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