I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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