i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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