I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Randomize
