We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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