This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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