You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
