I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
