fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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