i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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