I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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