I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
