So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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