alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize