I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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