thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just want nice things and good sex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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