WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
did i just pee glitter
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
