It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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