Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
