Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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