I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
