So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
