if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
